Today, I stumbled across a blog post written by Layla on The Lettered Cottage, http://www.theletteredcottage.net and she put into words exactly how I feel lately
“it’s such an interesting feeling to know someone is your child, but to not know the someone that is your child, yet.”
It just so happens that we are going through the same agency to adopt and are both waiting to bring our little ones home (AND her DIY creativity is totally my style – just a side note)
When I read that, I started to tear up. When I was pregnant with Landon I had him with me 24/7 in that big ‘ole belly of mine. I couldn’t see him, smell him, or cuddle with him, but I somehow felt like I could protect him.
Don’t get me wrong, I spent a lot of my pregnancy in fear – fear that this baby we wanted to desperately might be gone in the blink of an eye
Fear that the medicine I was taking would somehow harm him
Fear that I would miscarry because of some health issues I live with
With Max, I can’t carry him in that belly of mine or feel him kick my rib cage (as Landon so often did). This makes the waiting so much more difficult than the 9 months we waited to meet Landon face to face. This is a whole new level of surrendering control to my Creator…and I am so thankful to have Him to pour out my fears and anxiety to.
And so I pray, just like I prayed daily, sometimes hourly, for our little Landon…
I love you so much already. You have no idea who we are, but we know a little about you and God knows A LOT about you. I’m praying that God will wrap his arms around you right now as you sleep. We can’t wait to take care of you. I know it will take some time for us to do that, so I am praying that God will place someone in your life right now to be His hands and feet. I pray that they will love you as God loves you. xi jian for now little one.
Waiting for the snow…and Max 😉