Two Months

It’s been two months ya’ll….two months since our “little tiger” was first placed in our arms. Two months since this video, capturing a flood of emotions, was taken.

In those short two months, our little boy has been very brave. He left a foster mother (and maybe a foster father and siblings as well) who cared for him for a whole year of his life. He came into a big city to meet foreigners, his mommy and daddy, who looked nothing like the several other caretakers he previously had. I would say our little boy is one of the bravest people I know. At two, he has been through more transitions than me… and yet he still smiles…

max bicycle

And is so very silly…

free pdq


And for being able to hear very little, he sure catches on quick! On Halloween we went to one house and after that he knew EXACTLY what to do….he ran up to each house, knocked  on the door, and started grabbing handfuls of candy with his big brother by his side…

trick or treating

A brother, I can tell, he loves so much already. Despite a few weeks of almost non-stop fighting, Landon and Max are starting to form a close bond and we often catch them cracking each other up. Life is apparently very funny when you are two.

holding hands

lifting weights

target hugging

You sure are brave Ping Ping and I hope that one day you will know that we are here to stay.

Check out this video of our sweet boy, you can totally get an idea of his personality if you haven’t met him yet.


You Know You Have Double-Two-Year-Olds When…

Before you read this, know that I love being a mommy to Landon and Max and I wouldn’t change it for the world! 

1. You start to tell everyone you have to “go potty” when you need to use the restroom.

2. You open up your purse, and instead of finding a tube of lipstick, you find old goldfish, a diaper (hopefully clean) and a matchbox car or two.

3. Your curtains that you sewed as a young married wife now look like this:

fallen curtain

4. You celebrate like you just won The Superbowl (in overtime) because both the kiddos are in bed, asleep, by 7:30.

5. You fall asleep on the couch at 8:30 because the above actually happened.

6. Having a clean house longer than 20 seconds is a distant memory.

7. A trip alone to the grocery store is as relaxing as taking a cruise.

8. All the treats you have hidden have now disappeared because someone now knows how to make himself taller….

sneaky max

9. You get aggravated when the awesome tower you built with mega blocks, or that super cool train track you spent hours putting together, gets demolished by said two-years-olds.

10. Your couch cushions now have an “almost permanent home” on the floor, but they sure make those two-year-olds pretty happy, check it out….

Those life changing moments

y’all, I LOVE talking about adoption. I always have, even before taking this journey to bring Max home. I majored in Social Work so I could one day work at an adoption agency (God had other plans, but I was able to do a full-time internship at one). My first job out of college was working at a group home with adolescents who were part of the foster care system.  It is something I have felt a calling to advocate for and to be a part of. I have never once felt like I had to care for children without families who could care for them, I have wanted to do it.  Not everyone has that calling and that is OK! For some reason God put it on my heart, and Dave’s heart, and here we are today parenting Max.

So, when someone brings up adoption, and wants to talk to me about it, I get excited! No, adoption isn’t a  fairy tale story that doesn’t have heartache involved in it, but like I have said many times before, there is so much beauty in it.  It’s one of my “things”, like being an artist. When a stranger asks me about Max, I am so happy to talk to them about his story – I only hold the private areas (that only he should know one day) to myself. Someone who I really look up to once told me “believe the best in people”. I’m not gonna lie, this is something I sometimes have a hard time doing. But with adoption comments, I have a lot of grace for people who may not use the correct terms {for example, when they ask if Landon is my son, too, because Max is adopted}. I have grace for people who make these comments, because at some point or another, I have probably said the same things!

Honestly, we haven’t encountered many of those “can’t believe she said that” comments yet. I cannot think of one person we know who hasn’t been excited and supportive of Max’s adoption. If there is someone, they just haven’t said anything, and I am a ok with that 🙂

Today though, my heart hurt for Max and Landon and the comments that could potentially hurt them as they grow up. Today, I was thankful that Max couldn’t hear the conversation I had with a woman at a play place. Was she malicious, out to hurt me, with her words? Not at all. And, in a way, I am glad she said what she said because it opened my eyes.

She said, “It took us a year to get pregnant and I thought we might have to adopt.” {after first talking about how beautiful Max is while not acknowledging the handsome stud that Landon is}.

I also want to add that we, too, have struggled with getting pregnant.

 I felt the need to write about this conversation only because I want Max to always know that we wanted, with all our hearts, to adopt HIM. I want Landon to always feel special and cute even though he looks different from his brother.

My eyes were opened to the need for Dave and I to pray over Max and Landon and that God will deafen their ears to lies that Satan may try to whisper to them.

And we will forever and always let Max know that he was yearned for, prayed for and wanted! No, baby boy, we didn’t have to adopt you, we deeply desired to adopt you.

Because the beauty makes it so worth it ya’ll

The last three weeks have flown by. I have been wanting to sit down and write because our adoption journey doesn’t end here – it is just the beginning of us falling more in love with our Max.

Max hat

Look at that sweet face! Sometimes I can’t get over how beautiful he is. I love all of his funny facial expressions and how he imitates all of us – mom, dad and big brother.


You know, when you look at adoption pictures on Facebook and read adoption blogs it is easy to forget how messy and hard adoption is and to only see the “happy ending” after that heartwarming gotcha/family/adoption day ….

I think this is one of the reasons I have had a difficult time sitting down to write – I didn’t know what to write! During the difficult moments I wanted to sit down and share our struggles, but I just couldn’t get the words out. I wanted to write about the hard times to be transparent. Why? because I often compare myself to others and look through blurred lens at other’s live, seeing on the perfect side, and I don’t want anyone to do that with our family. I remember being in China with Max and comparing how easy and well behaved everyone’s newly adopted children were. {Max, on the other hand, was far from quietly sleeping in my Ergo baby carrier!} And when I would sit down to write about the difficulties, I was reminded of all the fear I had from reading about the hard stories and how at times it made me question if we were making the right decision to pursue adoption (it’s scary to think I even had those thoughts I can’t imagine not having Max in our family just because I read about some random person’s bad experience!!).

 I want people to read this blog and know that we are far from perfect and our life is messy – full of hardships and headaches. I also want people to read our story, and despite the messiness, see the beauty hidden underneath!

Because the beauty makes it so worth it ya’ll.

{so if you are scared to adopt, but feel the calling, don’t let the difficulties stop you, they will only make it so much sweeter}

All that to say, this blog isn’t just about the hardships, or just about the happy pictures you see – it’s about both because I believe the most miraculous beauty is that which comes from hardships.

And this little boy?

Max rain jacket blog

HE is worth it all!

So, what have we been up to lately? Mainly breaking up fights and trying to parent double two year olds. It’s been draining at times, but we are starting to see some improvement!  I am thankful for an iPhone because I have a camera ready to capture those rare, getting-a-long moments. Like when they ride their bicycles together..

baloons and bicycles

See those cute balloons? Our sweet neighbor, Claudia, brought them to us. She also took the time to clean our messy house for us while we were in China. Let me tell you, it was SO nice to come home to a clean house! We have grown to love their family and are so thankful for kind neighbors.

bicycles winter bootsAnd…. Max has no fear! He will roll down the street on that bicycle like it’s a Harley!

Here they are experiencing their first snack time together. I think this was the first full day home. The looks on their faces both read something like “who is that kid on my territory?!”


We have celebrated daddy’s birthday with his donut cake tradition! And no, he didn’t turn “0” I just couldn’t find any candles in the midst of jet lag…


And here we are celebrating my birthday…

mommys birthday blog

And we have experienced a ton of playground trips and even went to the State Fair as a family of four!

Max Fair blog stroller

Haha – Max’s facial expression reveals how he felt about the fair. I don’t think he liked that he wasn’t tall enough to ride the rides. Landon on the other hand LOVED riding his first roller coaster

Max fair blog daddy line fair happy one month playing at the park

And we have been spending a lot of time at home too…for the first week as least!

funny faces blog getting into mischief messy food

We have learned that “cocooning” (staying at home for about 6ish weeks so your child will connect with you) is individualized. Some kids need it for attachment and some don’t. In the case for Max, he is very attached to us and is a very social little fella. We haven’t traveled overnight yet and have only recently left him in the nursery at church alone (after staying with him for the majority of the time).  I believe every child, adopted or not, is different. For Max, and mommy, doing full blown cocooning wouldn’t be the best situation.

So, all in all, we are  slowly getting into the swing of things as a family of four. From people asking how they can pray to us, friends taking Landon out on “dates” and others providing meals for us, we have felt very loved and are so grateful for everyone’s support!

Family of Four

I’m not gonna lie, the trip home was a mix between excitement and anxiety. I so wanted to be home to be with Landon – it felt so weird being away from him for 19 days (I now have a new respect and sympathy for people who are in the military and have to be away from their family) and we were ready to be a family of four in our own home. Living out of a suitcase and in a hotel room was getting old and we were ready to have Max in a place where he could run around and be a two year old. BUT, the anxiety about traveling for 30 some hours with a two year old was there too. Max is a bundle full of energy and had already let us know on a  previous flight he was not a big fan of flying. So, through lots of prayer and encouragement from friends, we pushed through and made it home!


Was the flight easy? No. Did Max sleep? Not really, just about 2-3 hours. Did God give me an extra bit of patience and peace to get through it? YES. There were some tantrums, but for the most part we let him just be his silly little self, throw lots of food on the floor and bang the tv screen on the seat in front of him. Yep, we were those parents, don’t judge. Some of the best advice I received: you are never going to see the people you’re on the plane with again.  Did every ounce of my people pleasing self want to get up and apologize to everyone around us and try to make Max sit quietly beside us? Yes. But I didn’t. I knew I had to let it go and let God get us through it. He did, and somehow through it, I think some people were blessed by our little tiger…like the elderly lady he led hands will on the last flight home or the people he played peek a boo with during layovers.




And the best part? Those 30 some hours got us home to Landon and some pretty amazing friends!


Yep, you can tell we are pretty exhausted here. But look at the excitement in this little guy’s face when he got to hold his big brother’s hand for the first time…


Yeah, he thinks Landon is pretty cool.

Check out this video. I think it says it all!

Happy 2nd Birthday, Max!

Dear Max,

My heart is so happy that I get to be with you on your 2nd birthday! I know that I am not the only mother that is thinking of you on this day. I don’t know where your first mother is, but I do know that I will be forever grateful to her for giving life to you. You, my little tiger, are a precious gift from her to me. We have much to learn about each other, but I already know that you are strong and brilliant! You are joyful and light up a room when you walk in, waving and smiling so big. The first day you were put in our arms, we were told you were “shy”. Since then, we have learned that is far from the truth!


I know the transition into our family will not be easy for you…why would it? Children your age should not have to go through so many transitions and so many caretakers. I promise to do my best to offer you the security that you need and to hold your hand as you navigate yet another new home. I pray that you will soon learn that your daddy desires the same for you. I pray that you will see him and ultimately see a reflection of who God is and how He pursues us no matter how many times we try to push him away.


I already see that God designed you to be a fighter. I pray that He will use that strong personality to help you continue to overcome mountains that stand in your way. I can already tell that you want to talk, that you want to hear what those around you are saying. I hope and pray that God works a miracle in your life and that you are able to one day.


You are a survivor. There are things about your early life that I will never be able to tell you, but I do know this, you were prayed for daily from the time we saw your sweet face until now. You have already overcome so much in your short life and I know God sent many people to take care of you until we could become your parents.


I can personally say that I am a better person since knowing you. God is humbling me and showing me this life is not just about me, but about a much bigger story.


Max, I love you so much and I hope that one day you will discover an even greater love – the love of Jesus Christ. Happy Birthday son!




Missing Home

I have never been the type of person to get “homesick” but as I have gotten older things have changed. I miss home and miss Landon like crazy! We have three more nights on the other side of the world and 30ish hours of travel and we will get to hug and kiss our big boy again! We cannot wait to be united with our family of four.

In an ideal world, I would have blogged every night here (that’s what I planned on at least). I am going to try to catch up on the the last few days in one post, but that might be a little difficult cause we have been busy !

We arrived in Guangzhou late Friday night after a very difficult 2 hour flight here. Max did not do well on the flight here so we have been praying daily that he will do much better on the flight home. Please join us in praying for him to be relaxed and to SLEEP a lot. He doesn’t like to be confined in small spaces and saying he is squirmy is an understatement. Here are some of the adjectives the Chinese have used to describe his personality so far: “he like tiger”, “how you say…he excitable”, “he has much spirit”, “he expressive”. We are thankful for his spunky personality as it has helped him fight to survive.

Early Saturday morning we had to take Max to a clinic where his visa picture was taken and he was given a medical check.


They did basic things, like weigh him and check his temperature. The ENT doctor had two squeaky toys that he used to see if Max could hear anything. Each time he squeezed them Max turned his head in their direction! He cannot hear us when we talk in normal tones, but he does respond to us when we yell his name very loud as well as to high pitched noises. Put it this way, we have become a rather loud family .

On Sunday we went to the Pearl and Jade Market as well as the Chen Clan Academy. Basically, it was a beautiful old school that holds a lot of Chinese history and Folk Art. A fun place for a 2 year old?! Not so much haha.


Yeah, we pretty much broke all of the above rules 😉




I love those sweet pictures of Max and Dave. Max has still not allowed Dave to hold him or care for him, but we see little glimpses of Max attaching to Dave. Max loves to “pretend read” and here is he reading some pamphlet to daddy. It is so funny, he will find anything and take his little finger and underline all of the words (English and Mandarin) and act as though he is reading.

On Tuesday, we went to the Zoo! Max LOVED the Zoo – he even threw his empty cookie wrapper in the Panda Bear exhibit. Let’s just say, the Zoo here wouldn’t be open in the US 😉 I seriously thought the brown bear might jump the fence, it sure was low enough. Oh yeah, and apparently raccoons are cool enough here to have their own exhibit.





Max was seriously so cute about he exhibits. Every time we went up a cage, his whole body would tense up and he would start laughing and pointing. Sometimes the animal would be hiding (or maybe even dead?!) and he would still get excited! It was so sweet. I have a feeling we may be making a trip to the Zoo at home pretty soon.

Our visit to Max’s Orphanage

I have been yearning to sit down and write this posts for the past 4 days! Things have been busy around here and we are now in Guangzhou. We said goodbye to Max’s birth city, Kunming, this past Friday. It was bittersweet, but we are ready to be home so we can be united with our Landon!!

The Thursday before we left, we are able to visit the orphanage that Max spent the fist year of his life at. In Kunming, babies usually live at the Children’s Social Welfare Institute (orphanage) until they reach one year of age. Once they reach one year, and are healthy enough, they are moved to the foster village and are placed in a foster home. This foster village is still somewhat of a mystery to us. We did find out that each foster family has a baba and mama (dad and mom) and they may have up to 3 children in the home. We were not allowed to visit the foster village or even see pictures of it. When we asked if we could meet his foster parents, we were told that adoptive families are not allowed to because of privacy. I am hoping this will change in the near future! I think it would answer so many questions that adoptive families have and would help the transition to be a little easier.

Max’s short life has already been one of many transitions,with many different caretakers. When Max was first found (move one), he was taken to the hospital (move two) so that could get “scientific feeding” and get healthy. After that, he was moved to the Kunming Children’s Social Welfare Institute (move three). Here, he was taken care of by very sweet nurses until he became big and strong enough to move to the next floor/nursery – the nursery for healthy infants (move four). We were allowed to get a picture of this nursery!



I am not sure how long he was here for, but the orphanage director told us he was moved here between 4-6 months of age. Next, he was moved to one more floor, with yet another set of caretakers (move five). At around age one, he was moved to the foster village (move six) which is a few hours away from the orphanage. He was here for the longest – one year in a family environment! I think this where he got so healthy and STRONG! He runs and eats a lot and is very very playful. These are definitely signs of being cared for in a foster care environment vs institutional care. Three days before we came for him, he was moved yet again (move seven) back to the orphanage. And this past Monday, he made his final move into our family! The moves that I am talking about aren’t moves that most babies experience (being dropped up at day care or nursery and later being picked up by their parents). These are moves where he had caretakers and then never saw them again (talk about trauma) . This is why attachment is such a BIG part of post adoption and why many adoptive parents may parent a little different with an adopted child vs. a biological child. This is also why Max keeps a close eye on me and sometimes gets extremely scared if I am not close by.

I am so glad we were able to visit the orphanage and meet many of his caretakers. They all remembered him and would come up and call him “Ping Ping” and try to get him to smile. I don’t think he remembered many of them since he spent the last year with his foster family, but I was reassured that our daily prayer was answered: that God would send people to love and care for him until we could. As we were leaving the orphanage, one of his caretakers was just coming in to work so we were able to ask her for a picture!


We were only allowed to take 2 pictures inside his orphanage and they were in designated spots. Overall the orphanage was very nice. It was clean, big,and there were toys (although none of the children were playing with them) . Supposedly it was built by a company located in Beijing. I think this is big – that China is starting to work within their country to make things better for their orphans. I hope that one day they will get to the place where more people will adopt domestically. I think their culture is changing, but there are so many people that there may always be a need for international adoption. For example, in Kunming alone, there are 4 million people. Kunming is a smaller city in comparison to Beijing, Guangzhou, etc. Raleigh, NC just hit about 1 million people. That is a big difference !

Here are a few other pictures of the outside of the orphanage…






After some digging and some investigation by our driver, we were able to find the exact location that Max was found. Not everyone is able to find their locations and our guide told us “you very lucky family”. I think it was just another little gift from God. We took some videos and pictures that we will share with Max one day if he wants to see them.

This day was hard, but it gave us more of an understanding of where Max has been and how difficult yet another move will be on him. I promise, we are here to stay Ping Ping 🙂

Gettin’ to know Max

We have learned so much about Max in just the few short days we have had him in our arms. I feel like each day we are learning more and more about him….from his dislikes to his very playful personality!


For example, the first day I was so overwhelmed and TIRED. I felt like the jet lag didn’t catch up to my until after gotcha day, which is not necessarily good. This has led to tears and a lot of stress. Even though I didn’t give birth to Max, at times, I feel a lot like I did after having Landon: overwhelmed. Each day has gotten a little better though and we are slowly “learning” each other. This is the little sheet the orphanage gave us on gotcha day…


Yeah, that is pretty much all we had to go on, and since he was only at the orphanage for 3 days before we got him, this probably isn’t all that accurate. Right after we picked up Max, our guide took us to the Walmart to get some formula and rice cereal….the same Walmart I shopped at several times before 🙂 Here are the instructions for the formula:


Try reading THAT! Ya’ll I can barely remember any of the Chinese characters and our guide didn’t understand me when I asked how to make it. By the second day I figured out how he likes it and he has downed quite a few bottles since then. It is strange to me that Max still drinks a bottle with formula,even though he is almost two, but hey he also likes it STEAMING hot! Do I test the temp. on my wrist? Uh, no, I don’t want to get burned.

Let me tell you, this boy can DOWN some food, especially rice. It is so funny to me because he eats his rice just like all Chinese – really fast and with the bowl close to his mouth. He also does an awesome Asian squat. You can tell this boy is 100% Chinese and I LOVE it!



Sleep has been difficult and easy. Easy, because once he is out,he is OUT. Because his hearing is very limited, Dave and I don’t have to be quiet when he is sleeping. I think this is also what helps him to sleep so soundly. The first day he went to sleep so easily. I just put him in the crib and he didn’t make a peep…just fell right to sleep for a good 10ish hours. Yeah, that totally gave us the wrong idea and we did not expect how difficult it is now to get him to go to sleep. Our little guy has a TON of energy and I think he has a lot of sensory overload right now. Combine that with being an almost 2 year old, being stuck in a small hotel room, not being able to understand mommy and daddy and it is a recipe for a few tantrums at bedtime. Because we are still attaching, it is best to not leave him in his crib crying until he falls asleep. Dave and I have been putting him in the middle of our bed and just letting him flail his arms, kick his legs, and scream until he gets so tired he falls asleep. We try to rub his arms and head to soothe him. This probably lasts about 10-20 minutes and then in a matter of a few seconds he is OUT. It is crazy how fast he can go from being so upset to falling into a deep sleep. This really has been one of the most difficult times. Other than being made to go to sleep, he is so happy and smiles a ton!!

When he first smiled at us, I thought he was about to cry because his bottom lip sticks out and he gets this mad look but breaks out into a smile/laugh. It is the cutest!


So far, his favorite time of the day is bath time! He absolutely loves it. He was even trying to get in with his clothes on the other day. He must have watched his foster mom clean a lot because he always takes rags or tissues and pretends to clean – he spent a lot of time in the tub “cleaning” it. He has also “folded” clothes with me and likes to pretend to make food with this eating utensils. All of these are good signs that he has had a lot of interaction! I even caught him today turning on the tv and switching the channels! He was watching it like he understood everything going on.

As you can tell, he imitates us a lot. The day after we got Max,we had to go back to the gotcha day location to sign papers saying we will adopt Max. We were pointing and talking and so he decided to do the same. It makes sense,the documents were about him! He started babbling and pointing like he knew everything about what we were doing.


Even though he cannot talk, he sure knows a lot about the world.As far as I can tell, he is not behind developmentally and is very smart. Just yesterday we were getting ready to leave the room and he went to go and get the Ergo baby carrier for me to take with us!

He can actually hear really loud noises. If we say his Chinese name, which is Xi Guo Ping, really loudly he will turn towards us. He also gets excited when he hears loud music/sounds. We think this is a really good sign for him being a candidate for the hearing aid he might get!

We are getting ready to leave Kunming, which is now a special city to our whole family! We head to Guangzhou for a little over a week before we can come home.Stay tuned for a post about the orphanage visit!



Gotcha Day … Tricia’s Experience.

At 2:30 this afternoon we had some pretty excited faces! Here we are sitting in the hotel waiting to drive to meet Max for the first time.


IMG_0173I know you must be curious about how our “Gotcha Day” went.  There  is really no single word to describe it. I have watched gotcha day videos, read a ton of books/blogs about it, attended adoption training. All of this these gave me an idea of how this special day might go, but I did not realize that each one is a unique experience. It is a lot like having a biological child , because no matter how much preparation and reading and training you do, the contractions aren’t always 5 minutes apart, your water might break before the hospital or maybe, just maybe, you might go past that due date.

Ya’ll, today was so so so hard, but amazingly beautiful all bundled up together. We went to an apartment building (I was expecting some kind of government building) and walked in to two rooms full of kids of all ages. They were being united with their families who had traveled to China from all over the world, not just America. Some were crying tears of grief and some were full of smiles.

And then I saw him. Our Max. He was grieving hard…I looked into his eyes before holding him and I knew right then and there that he had been through way too much for any almost 2 year old. He told me with those big brown eyes and through many, many tears that he had been hurt by this world one too many times. My heart broke,but understood, when he pushed me away. I cried inside as he wept. I began to feel hope as his deep stare and beautiful eyes watched me intently as I stepped a few feet away to sign some papers.
For a brief second I thought to myself “I can’t do this, I can’t take him away from all he has ever known.” And that is when I knew I HAD TO. Something kicked in and I knew at that moment I would do everything, with God leading, to help mend his broken little heart. I would FIGHT for him to have a future, a future not like his beginnings.

My precious little one, I know this world will fail you. I know at times we will fail you. But know this, we will ALWAYS love you and you will ALWAYS be our son. And most importantly Jesus loves you. Welcome to the family Timothy Max Eshleman !image